Let go

So here comes that one last love letter. I knew I’ll do it eventually, to set myself free. To fully move on and live again. I can’t go on like this forever. I can’t write about you forever. I can’t put my life on a pause just because of you and the damage ‘our thing’ has left on me. Just because you made me run around blind and completely headless once, it won’t be that way forever.

I’m a little scared to be this open and put it all out there but part of me tells me to do so. For others. For all them helpless lovers like me. Just so they could find some peace within themselves. Writing and sharing this almost makes me feel naked. Like, here you go…this is me, all out there on a plate for everyone.

I know you will come across this and I know you will read it. Either you will come on here by yourself or someone is going to show you but eventually you’ll read it.

This is not ideal and this is not the way I’ve ever done things. I’d prefer a face to face conversation. Heart out kind of thing. Sadly, it never worked in our case. We tried before. I’ve come to terms of accepting it, that this will be the kind of ugly end, just because there is no other way around. Maybe not so ugly, more like sad I’d say.

This last one is about the good, about the beautiful things. I’ve got one huge ‘Thank you!’ for making me grow up and showing me the real me. I learned so many things about myself through you, through us. I didn’t know before that I could put someone else ahead of myself in any situation without even thinking twice. I didn’t know I could love so passionately, care so dearly. I didn’t know something could feel so right and natural when it came to us. It was the kind of thing where if I had a piece of bread that I’d have to last on it as long as I can and I would have to chose to share with you or not. I wouldn’t share. I’d give the whole thing to you. That’s how it felt and that’s how it was for me. I’ll forever be thankful for bringing out that side of me.

I’m crying as I’m writing this. What a surprise. So typical of me. I was a softie before you but I literary melted after you let me in your life. Almost a little ashamed of myself. Wish I had a little bit of that toughness you had so I could keep myself together. Always been jealous of that and definitely one of the things I admired in you.

There will be a lot of things I’ll miss but most of all I’ll miss the friend I had in you. The endless conversations about anything. It was just so easy to jump from one topic to another. When something happened, I always shared it with you. Good or bad. The first person I went to about anything. I have a bad temper and could fire up so easily when I was put in a stressful and uncomfortable situations, and it amazed me how you could manage to wash that away completely. It’s like you kept my shit together for me. It’s a bubbly thing to say but you were “my rock”. That other part of me that was keeping me together as a whole.

Probably, that is why I’m a little lost right now. Doing crazy things I’ve never done. Writing my heart out in, probably, one of the most open and personal blogs out there. That’s me though, doing things to the extreme. “I jump high, I fall deep.” That would probably be very appropriate to describe me as who I am.

Anyways, just wanted to say that even after everything, I still appreciate everything we had for the good things in it, and for the bad that gave me a massive learning lesson. But now it’s time for me to set myself free and let go. So this is the last post about you, us.

All the best, my sweet thing.